"When I were a lad, Ya mum would send me down to da corner store wiv' a dollar, and I'd come back wiv' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o' bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' 'alf a dozen eggs.
Yer can't do that now...too many fucken security cameras."
Yeah, a bit short which is why I thought I would slip in another one.
OK, this next one is totally sexist and is only meant to instruct men how not to speak to their sons.
Son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies:
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
' Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'